Monday, December 28, 2009

Single Sons of Muslim Families

*These are just some preliminary thoughts. I wanted to post them immediately and then I'll develop them later in more detail.*

I am single son of a Muslim family. I have sisters along with my mother and father. I use the term 'single son' not to say that I am the only child but rather I am the only son.

For most Muslim families, be in the west or in their own native countries, their is an expectation that the sons and younger males of the family will carry them as the father figure ages and comes near retirement.

For single sons, the pressure is much more accentuated since its as if the family only has '1 shot to get it right.' Meaning, its all upon him to make it successful to represent the honor of the family.

Now I know that many readers might be thinking that this is a chauvinistic perspective since it doesn't include the women/sisters as a source of support for the family or a means to be honored. I think that even with taking those into account, the pressure will still remain upon the single son.

The reason being that the Muslim family will consider her daughter - regardless of how successful she is to be a part of her new family. Its not what the sister/daughter can do but rather what expectations exist for the family. Expectations can change from family to family but I'm think they still remain a general norm in the larger family.


At 3:16 PM, Anonymous Lamia said...

Very true. I think that many would reluctantly admit that the pressures facing a single son in a Muslim family are greater than those of members of a family of multiple sons. My cousin died recently and all of a sudden, as if overnight, his younger brother-now the lone son of the family is handed all these responsibilities, chiefly among them that he should immediately get married and settle down, though he is nowhere ready to. That's the only way I can relate to this topic since I'm no single son, but a daughter, yet I wanted to comment because this seems to be a very interesting, thoughtful blog.

At 6:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

True. That makes us sisters feel terrible that we can't contribute in any way :)
May Allah make it easy for all young Muslim men to support their parents and may they get rewarded infinitely for the patience they endure the financial burden.Ameen.

At 6:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 7:25 PM, Blogger Dunia's Stranger said...


Thanks for commenting.

as salaamu alaikum eolianharp,

Thanks for the post. I think having supporting sisters is one of best things brothers can have.

I appreciate the comments. I realized that in the past those who may come here and post never or rarely got feeback from me.

Thanks for posting.

At 9:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My brother is the only son and I feel sooo sorry for him @ times due to my parents' high expectations of him.
He excelled in his studies and did great in school however he finished school in wrong year (2008 when the economy collapsed). I try to be on his side as much as I can , however there are times when I feel that he needs to pick up his game and show more maturity. I mean, once you finish school, you should be concerned about ur career and future plans however he seems very lax about it which ticks my parents off.
It has gotten to the point that I stopped speaking up for him, stopped giving him career advises and left him alone.

At 9:26 AM, Blogger Umara said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 9:30 AM, Blogger Umara said...

"I think having supporting sisters is one of best things brothers can have."

“We are the choices we have made”
~Bridges of Madison County

I am sorry

I’m sorry that while you wanted to be a stranger
You were tied up unwillingly in this world
I’m sorry that you had dreams to fly, sewed your wings,
And were made to leave them on the sand, covered
As we took you to sail with us on a boat

I’m sorry I never saw my own reflection
But tried to find my face in others’ eyes
You tried to give me substance
But I have always remained a mist
Hanging on our family
I burn hot when threatened
Confused, I wish I was water
Scattered like light
All over this world

We were all created different elements
Our mother splitting stone
Our father hardened lava
I mist
And you pure air
But our love is like water
We merge into each other

Believe not that you’re tied down to this world
Our love for you exists
Yet is hidden
Deep, preserved
Occasionally under mists of fear
Stones of trust with responsibility
And the black lava rock of pride
Glittering yet Hopeless,
It knows not another place to go

Plagued by this world
I pray we seek solace in each other
May God bless upon you
Silver light wings to soar
In search of your true heart

Beautiful white birds may live on mountains
And all birds are beautiful
Your journey, if faithful and true
Will bring you to the truest love
You could ever feel
Perhaps only an atom of it on this earth,
Could you ever find
You sailed as high as the heavens

You’re air, your wings light,
You blow as high as you want to go
Searching for happiness on this earth
Your purity, and your faith
You find your soul enamored of God

And yes indeed Allah has created your soul mate
May He bless upon your infinitely
Sweet feeling rain of happiness and solace
More than you could have ever asked for

Keep your heart pure, you’re air,
Keep your heart firm, as mist
Keep your heart faithful, as stone
And let your soul burn for Allah like lava

Indeed you may be a stranger in this dunia
But more loved than any other creation
Strive your might for Him
And He will open doors, worlds,
hearts, and eyes for YOU

You, air, are our medium
We elements combine our instruments
Humbly lost, humbly hopeful, yet ever striving
We sing our salaams to Allah
We dedicate our salaams to you


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