Saturday, December 24, 2011

New Endings

Just as there are new beginnings, there are new endings...

The year is closing out and I'm ending a few chapters in my life. Some painful and some pleasant, but this year one in particular that was painful.

Earlier this year, I blogged through a post titled 'new beginnings' where I spoke about how I was beginning to look for my spouse and it brought a few surprises from my parents and family members. I'll elaborate more on the surprises. Essentially, my parents and family members always presumed that I would be passive in choosing my spouse and let them rather select the sisters that would be presented to me and then choose from their pre-approved 'pool' of sisters. I wasn't interested in that and found a sister I was interested in and whom I considered to be a good match for me. She didn't fit the bill my parents would have liked and most of this year was spent with me building my case for my interest in this sister.

I had put many hours of labor - physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual (yes, I made duaa' for the best) in trying to reach my goal: Marriage; specifically to this sister.

The outcome was different than what I hoped. I have learned much about myself and life in this process that I wish to pen down but I'll do that in another place more private.

I will say that for about three weeks, I was upset and felt miserable - melancholic. I walked around as a hollow being mechanically carrying out my work, knowing that inside of me I was wounded and hurt from the process.

Of course, I could not continue of wallow in remorse indefinitely and in the last 2-3 days I've been returning to normalcy.

I made a few decisions. InshAllah this 2012, I plan to make Umrah - I need to revitalize my soul and deen, and the best thing I can think of is visiting Bait'ul Allah in Mecca and visiting Madinah.


At 2:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hang in there, bro. Insha Allah you'll marry someone you like.

I sort of have the same problem- my parents expect passivity. I've found the only alternative is to lose interest in marriage completely.

At 10:01 PM, Anonymous Umm Sulaym said...

You're not alone akhi. I've met enough people who've faced the exact same situation as you have. I've heard a lot more stories of brothers facing the hardship that you're facing. I know it's not easy but mashaa'Allah, you're pulling yourself out of it.

I would highly recommend that you make your connection with Allah SWT stronger in this time of yours not just by visiting Makkah but on a daily basis. Have good expectations of Allah SWT that He SWT wouldn't want to hurt you. There's a reason for everything. If you don't see it now, you'll probably see it after 10 years. Requires patience for sure but I can guarantee you a 100% that you will thank Allah SWT for not getting married to that specific sister in future.

This is an opportunity for you to cash in on your heartache because when one's hurt, one's heart becomes softer and much more humble towards Allah SWT. I don't know your cirumstances but start seeking Islamic knowledge seriously. You will find in it joy and happiness which is unprecedented. It wouldn't be an exaggeration if I say that you'll enter the Paradise of this dunia which to be honest is a feeling even a perfect spouse cannot always give you if you know the realities of marriage.

Trials in life are Allah SWT's way of calling us back,connecting us with Him again and telling us that He SWT cares enough for us to call us back. That must make us feel special. Just how like a long-distance friend calls up to connect with you. Allah SWT cares enough to call us back to Him by making us even more dependent on Him. And to Him belongs the Highest and Loftiest of Examples.

I urge you to seek the sweetness in His Companionship. Hold onto Qiyam al layl and I've heard people's lives change just by making this a habit. The only companion worth having is the Quraan. Your spouse will leave you but the Quraan will be your intercessor in the grave. Please strive to memorize the Quraan and discover its beauty. You will find satisfaction that is everlasting.

While your family has the right to advise you, they must fear Allah SWT. And if they don't fear Him as much, then you must excel in your Taqwa and ask for reward for whatever you endured in this dunia and Akhira. What could be better? For patience has a reward without measure.

This is all from personal experience and observation. I dislike a brother or a sister wasting their potential due to heartaches and be puppets of Shaytan. May Allah SWT open doors of khayr for you whether it's in the form of an ideal spouse or as a hafidh/knowledgeable person of the Quraan.Ameen. Wouldn't it be great though if you strive for the latter and Allah SWT provides you with the former inshaa'Allah?
Have Tawakul and hold onto the Rope of Allah SWT. The whole dunia will disappoint you but He SWT will never.
Wasalamu 'alaykum,

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